Helicopter Parents

[Slack_in_MA]

This topic and conversation reminds me of a quote I read early in my parenting, which was something like “The worst thing a parent can do for their child is something they can, and should, do for themself”.

[North Buffalo]

Oof parenting is hard... letting go is hard too.  

[RochesterExpat]

17 hours ago, Contempt said:

The bigger issue I see is the lack of problem solving skills. We all used to spend a lot of time and energy and brain power trying to figure out how to not get caught doing something or how to acquire something we couldn't acquire. This is real life problem solving. We couldn't ask adults for help and we got it done. Buying beer, getting home from foreign countries, evading the EZPass because it would record when you crossed over a bridge you were told not to cross with the car, etc etc.

I don't know what caused us to collectively lose our problem solving skills. Google wasn't much help.

[North Buffalo]

1 hour ago, RochesterExpat said:

I don't know what caused us to collectively lose our problem solving skills. Google wasn't much help.

Agreed, my Dad's greatest asset was teaching how to learn, to figure things out... problem with today's kids is they are so use to it being at the touch of their fingers and if they cant solve it in 2 secs they get frustrated and give up... My 18 year old is like this, trying to teach him persistence is tough... 

Edited February 10, 2023 by North Buffalo

[French Collection]

16 minutes ago, North Buffalo said:

Agreed, my Dad's greatest asset was teaching how to learn, to figure things out... problem with today's kids is they are so use to it being at the touch of their fingers and if they cant solve it in 2 secs they get frustrated and give up... My 18 year old is like this trying to teach him persistence is tough... 

I was instructing some apprentices at trade school. There was a math question (multiplication) that I solved in my mind in a few seconds, before they could punch the numbers on their phones. This blew their minds.

[Sabel79]

I'm currently navigating the shark-infested Machiavellian dystopian hell-dimension that is 12U travel softball (as a parent, anyway)  

If the entire point of the exercise is to have these kids learn about working hard to achieve things, dealing with adversity, and social development / teamwork as is my understanding, then maybe let the kids do the things.  It's frightening the extent to which parents are apparently forgetting this in favor of vicarious success.  I feel sorry for a lot of these kids.  Parents putting pressure on coaches/clubs, yanking kids out of teams and onto others believing there's an advantage to be had regardless of the fact that we're dealing with 11 year old girls here and they are not agents for pro athletes... it's constantly amazing. 

 

[Weave]

We are a product of our environment.  You want to know why helicopter parenting happens, look at the generation that raised the helicopter parents and how they prepared them for the job.

[Scottysabres]

6 minutes ago, Weave said:

We are a product of our environment.  You want to know why helicopter parenting happens, look at the generation that raised the helicopter parents and how they prepared them for the job.

👍 

Agreed.

[LTS]

And the helicopter parent is giving way to the lawnmower parent.

 

[GASabresIUFAN]

One simple piece of advice.  Don't be a helicopter parent.  Support your kids. Get them help when they need it, but don't shadow their every move.  It won't work out well.  

 

 

[That Aud Smell]

21 hours ago, LabattBlue said:

Anyone have friends or family who are helicopter parents(google it, if you don’t know what it means).

 I have a sibling with two kids in the 22-24 range, and both parents watch over them like they are 10.  No surprise, they both still live at home while in school.

I am definitely familiar with this dynamic. I will add, though: These things exist on a continuum. And I think the extremes often get viewed as the norm. My wife works in a high school setting in a job that involves interfacing with, and requiring things of, every single kid in the building. The percentage of parents who really, truly helicopter that dynamic is fairly low. There are, I dunno, 400 kids in the school give or take. It's roughly 5% of the parents who exhibit strong helicopter tendencies. So, call it 20 kids' parents. The overwhelming majority do not helicopter, at least insofar as my wife's job would make her aware (and, I will add, if the parents are helicopter types, my wife would generally find out).

21 hours ago, mjd1001 said:

Have somewhat a case of it with a relative I am exposed to a couple times a year. The kid is approaching middle school, but has basically zero autonomy in life. 

I don't think that's describing a helicopter parent. It's describing something else. I'm not exactly sure what. Bad parenting comes to mind, generally.

19 hours ago, LabattBlue said:

We have friends who have a daughter who frequents Chippewa and the other downtown hotspots.  Instead of Uber or naming a designated driver within the group, one of the girls parents will drive them down there, and then go back and pick them up when done…12, 1 or 2 in the morning. 

Same here. Just awful. Holy infantilization, Batman.

And we had a junior person in our office a while back whose dad would do the same thing for them and their friends. Not surprisingly, that person did not last -- they could not hack it. Just immature.

18 hours ago, Curt said:

If the parent doesn’t mind, I don’t see an issue with this.  I don’t see that as being an overbearing or smothering parent.  That’s just family helping eachother.

The daughter should feel lucky to have parents who are willing and able to do that.  Definitely cheaper than Uber.

Could not disagree more.

[North Buffalo]

1 hour ago, French Collection said:

I was instructing some apprentices at trade school. There was a math question (multiplication) that I solved in my mind in a few seconds, before they could punch the numbers on their phones. This blew their minds.

Oh I do it all the time in radiology

[Contempt]

2 hours ago, RochesterExpat said:

I don't know what caused us to collectively lose our problem solving skills. Google wasn't much help.

I think it depends how you use it. I've used Google and YouTube to learn how to do quite a lot of things to solve problems for myself. Auto repair, HVAC repair, water heater installation, hardwood floor installation, washer and dryer repair. Etc. 

But in terms of googling for answers to specific questions then just copy pasting the first response, absolutely huge problem. I see it every day. Lack of intellectual curiosity is what I'd call it.

[Stoner]

A lot of generational hogwash here, repeated down through the millennia probably.

I work with high school and college kids who quite literally have kept a personal care home going through the pandemic. They are hardworking, smart and kind. Of course they are different. They can't rewire the rec room. But I can't order takeout on Snapchat.

Figure it out, fogies!

[North Buffalo]

3 hours ago, PASabreFan said:

A lot of generational hogwash here, repeated down through the millennia probably.

I work with high school and college kids who quite literally have kept a personal care home going through the pandemic. They are hardworking, smart and kind. Of course they are different. They can't rewire the rec room. But I can't order takeout on Snapchat.

Figure it out, fogies!

Oh there is definitely differences but covid messed up some of that dynamic ... for us now its trying to push my oldest to be more independent... some things he is very but he lacks confidence being on his own though he wants to be... he is slowly getting there cant wait to watch him spread his wings and fly right now he just flaps a lot but hasnt fully committed.

[SABRES 0311]

The post about a parent frequently picking their kid up from bars stuck out to me.

Overall it’s better than drinking and driving. However, if you are old enough to get into a bar you are old enough to get a cab/Uber.

A parent’s job isn’t to make it more cost friendly to go out. A parent’s job is to teach them to be responsible. Like make sure you have enough money for a safe ride and not just for drinks. Mommy won’t always be there and that time can unexpectedly come earlier for some. 

If their ride falls through then that’s different. At least they made an attempt to have a good time responsibly. 

[Contempt]

4 hours ago, PASabreFan said:

A lot of generational hogwash here, repeated down through the millennia probably.

I work with high school and college kids who quite literally have kept a personal care home going through the pandemic. They are hardworking, smart and kind. Of course they are different. They can't rewire the rec room. But I can't order takeout on Snapchat.

Figure it out, fogies!

I work with middle school kids every day who can't problem solve their way out of a wet paper bag.

[Weave]

50 minutes ago, SABRES 0311 said:

The post about a parent frequently picking their kid up from bars stuck out to me.

Overall it’s better than drinking and driving. However, if you are old enough to get into a bar you are old enough to get a cab/Uber.

A parent’s job isn’t to make it more cost friendly to go out. A parent’s job is to teach them to be responsible. Like make sure you have enough money for a safe ride and not just for drinks. Mommy won’t always be there and that time can unexpectedly come earlier for some. 

If their ride falls through then that’s different. At least they made an attempt to have a good time responsibly. 

It’s certainly not the way I would handle it, but I don’t necessarily consider it helicopter parenting either.

I think that is more a symptom of a spoiled child, and they’ve been around for generations.

Edited February 10, 2023 by Weave

[SABRES 0311]

52 minutes ago, Weave said:

It’s certainly not the way I would handle it, but I don’t necessarily consider it helicopter parenting either.

I think that is more a symptom of a spoiled child, and they’ve been around for generations.

Agreed. This thread is one page away from a “back in my day” post.

[Ogre]

On 2/9/2023 at 2:47 PM, Eleven said:

Kids as young as 12 used to babysit, or have paper routes, or mow lawns, etc. for pocket money.

My grandfather was a logger and cut to supply the pulp mills on Cornwall Island.

When I turned 12 it was my turn to be his apprentice. He would drive the logging truck up around the corner where my mother couldn’t see and let me drive from there!

He felled/limbed the trees. He skid them onto the logging road and I took over from  there.

I skid them to the dock, cut them into 4’ lengths and loaded them by hand.

I ran a Jonsered 910. That’s one hell of a saw. (I almost missed out on my apprenticeship because the next older brother cut his leg badly with the saw so my mother had reservations, but she wasn’t going to deprive me of a good lesson)

I ate the Liverwurst sandwich that he made me for lunch and shut my damn mouth. I soaked up every single move that he made and every single sound that I ever heard come from him.

I loved every single second of it. 

He drove the loaded truck back. He would hand me his pipe and strike anywhere matches, though, and had me fire it up for him.

Still love the smell of cherry cavendish.

When I die, his face is the first one that I want to see.

[Stoner]

2 hours ago, Contempt said:

I work with middle school kids every day who can't problem solve their way out of a wet paper bag.

Is that shocking? Could you?

And what does it prove?

[Weave]

42 minutes ago, SABRES 0311 said:

Agreed. This thread is one page away from a “back in my day” post.

One post after yours apparently.  😂

[Ogre]

17 minutes ago, Weave said:

One post after yours apparently.  😂

WTH is wrong with a thread invoking nostalgia in a poster? 
It’s an OT thread with the seeds to do just that, after all.
I’m sorry, but I really do not appreciate you’re sentiment here.

[Weave]

2 minutes ago, Ogre said:

WTH is wrong with a thread invoking nostalgia in a poster? 
It’s an OT thread with the seeds to do just that, after all.
I’m sorry, but I really do not appreciate you’re sentiment here.

Oh, come on.  If that wasn’t a perfectly forecasted “back in my day” post, I don’t know what would be.  Own it you sentimental old fart.  😁

[Eleven]

1 hour ago, Ogre said:

My grandfather was a logger and cut to supply the pulp mills on Cornwall Island.

 

I'm not quoting all of it because I know some people read on phones, and even on my laptop, it takes forever for pages to load.

But what you wrote was beautiful, and I am thankful to have read it.

Sorry, @Weave I'm leaving my post here.  It might as well be the off-season, after all.

Edited February 11, 2023 by Eleven