Headline Predictions for the Buffalo Sabres 2021-2022 Season

[SHAAAUGHT!!!]

Now that we are in football and hockey season I'm reading a lot more sports articles.  A pet peeve of mine is lazy writing, especially when it comes to article titles.  I thought it might be fun to have a thread where we get a little silly and predict headlines for the upcoming season that we will inevitably see due to lazy writing.  I'll start:

“The Kids Are Alright” - after Middlestat, Cozens, and Dahlin have a multi-point night in the same winning game after losing 6 in a row

“The Bills Take The High Road, The Sabres Take the Low Road” – boiler plate article about how the Pegula’s struck gold with the Bills FO and the Sabres FO looks like a Benny Hill episode (we would also accept “Where Else Would You To Be?  Anywhere But The Sabres”)

“Granato Brings It Back To The Basics” – inevitable article about how the team is “overthinking” their play, which is why they continue to lose close games

Edited September 23, 2021 by SHAAAUGHT!!!

[LGR4GM]

"Eichel traded, Adams vindicated." 

Adams trades Eichel for a good return and everyone suddenly changes their tune. 

[SwampD]

“Eichel Traded: Final Nail in the Coffin That Was The Tank”

[PromoTheRobot]

"BREAK UP THE SABRES!! Who are these guys??"

Edited September 23, 2021 by PromoTheRobot

[GASabresIUFAN]

Adams Kicked Upstairs! Karmanos Named Interim GM

[thewookie1]

A Pain in the Neck - an article about the Eichel situation recapped upon season start

Dahlicious Goal wins game for Buffalo - article about Sabres winning a game after a highlight reel goal by Dahlin.

Is Skinner back? - article in December after Skinner starts the season well

He's everyone's Cozens - article on how Cozens has risen to become a leader in the locker room and on the ice

5 in a Row, How Granato has made the impossible, possible.

The Sabres record and the Panthers Injury Bug only two of many occurrences the league has seen going into the Olympic Break

He's alive! Eichel's surgery rehab has concluded and could be traded or in the lineup within the week.

Neck 'n Neck, will the Sabres hold onto Eichel until season's end due to playoff race?

Kyle Dubas fired after embarrassing loss to division rival, Buffalo, in Heritage Classic. 

Lightning strikes twice, but Sabres strike three times in OT thriller in Tampa

10 Games Left, Sabres and Flames top the most interesting potential new playoff teams.

We have found the Fountain of Youth and it's in Buffalo - article regarding Craig Anderson's impressive season splitting time with Dell and UPL to a lesser extent.

Do you believe in Miracles? Yes! - Sabres clinch top Wild Card spot with win over Boston in game 81.

RJ to call Games 3 & 4 in 1st Round matchup with Islanders.

Series Tied 1-1 thanks to a Butcher

Sabres take Game 5 and the Series Lead back to Buffalo

Game, Set, Match... Sabres trounce Isles 6-1 in Game 6.

Buffalo to meet Carolina in Round 2

 

[Georgia Blizzard]

"Another lost season, Sabres on the clock (again)"

[Mustache of God]

Anderson's performance evokes a turd shaped custard swirl 

[Buffalonill]

"Craig Anderson calls it Quits after 20 games"

 

[Mustache of God]

"Sabres locker room stages mass suicide after 69th consecutive loss"

[Palm Trees And Taxes]

"And welcome to KeyTANK Center in Buffalo, for another night of Buffalo Sabres hockey"

[Taro T]

59 minutes ago, Buffalonill said:

"Craig Anderson calls it Quits after 20 games"

 

Better Than him pulling a Vontae Davis with the headline:  "Anderson Quits After 2 Periods, the Rest of the Sabres Stick It Out to the Glorious End."

[Buffalonill]

4 minutes ago, Taro T said:

Better Than him pulling a Vontae Davis with the headline:  "Anderson Quits After 2 Periods, the Rest of the Sabres Stick It Out to the Glorious End."

Had to look that up couldn’t believe that was real lol .

[SHAAAUGHT!!!]

5 hours ago, SwampD said:

“Eichel Traded: Final Nail in the Coffin That Was The Tank”

This one feels so real already

[Flashsabre]

“Sabres beat Maple Leafs Again, Toronto Media ENRAGED”

[IKnowPhysics]

Just now, Flashsabre said:

“Sabres beat Maple Leafs Again, Toronto Media ENRAGED”

For real though, just like previous tank years, when we inevitably win some games, the opposing fans, coaches, and media are going to be absolutely livid.

"Leafs Blanked by Eichel-less Sabres"

[Marvin]

Sabres Sweep Season Series from Leafs.  Entire Toronto Front Office Fired.

[K-9]

Kevyn Adams Donates Own Cervical Disc To Eichel In Bid To Facilitate Surgery

[GASabresIUFAN]

Eichel Traded to Toronto for a Tim Horton’s coupon book.

[Standing Room Smoking Cigs]

[LabattBlue]

"Pegula proclaims…From this point forward, the Buffalo Sabres' reason for existence will be to win the Stanley Cup."

Oh wait…nevermind.

 

[Stoner]

SCHWEDDY MEATBALLS: SABRES OUTHUSTLE, OUTWORK BJS IN XMAS EVE EVE WIN

RJ WILL RETURN FOR ONE FINAL SEASON; HANNIGAN TO REPLACE RAY

[Huckleberry]

Jack Eichel not chosen to the Olympics team.

[Andrew Amerk]

6K Runs 6K In Charity Benefit Run

Anders Bjork Teams Up With Singer Bjork For Charity Concert

Craig Anderson Teams Up With Bald For Bucks and Hair Club 4 Men Charity Benefit

Deep Vein Thrombosis Sued By Terry Pegula

Kevyn Adams Filed For Name Change To Kevin Adyms 

[GASabresIUFAN]

Eichel Situation Un-Resolved, Losing Streak at 20, Pegulas Meet With Bettman.

Edited September 24, 2021 by GASabresIUFAN