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Top Ten Afterlife Punishments We?d Love to See for Darcy Tucker


ThePhantomListWriter

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Posted

Well, no one wants that stinking program, so I guess we'll just play for the love of the game now...

 

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From the home office in the NHL war room in Toronto, the Top Ten Afterlife Punishments We?d Love to See for Darcy Tucker...

 

Number 10... Keeps making Hell?s Kitchen Devils farm team and getting penciled in on line with Beelzebub and Dale Hunter but NEVER gets tap on back from coach Josef Mengele...

 

Number 9... Returns as gerbil, gets adopted by extremely kinky gay guy...

 

Number 8... Instead of 70 virgins, arrives in nirvana to find 70 transvestite Maple Leaf puck bunnies...

 

Number 7? After reincarnation according to karmic law, experiences union with the One and annihilation of personal consciousness (actual view of afterlife according to pantheists, but it works for us)...

 

Number 6... Satan plays matchmaker: Darcy Tucker, meet Tonya Harding...

 

Number 5... Wait, why wait for the afterlife? We want to punish the little bastard on Sunday!...

 

Number 4... Life in Hell consists of constantly applying sunscreen to ?eternal partner? Pat Quinn?s nether regions...

 

Number 3... Reincarnated as average right winger/goon, has to play 20 more suckass seasons with Leafs...

 

Number 2... Assigned perpetual seat in sin bin with Hitler, Jeffrey Dahmer, Mr. Food and entire cast of shortlived NBC sitcom ?Emeril?...

 

And the Number 1 Afterlife Punishment We?d Love to See for Darcy Tucker?

Posted

Has to be Lindros in a re-enactment of the Stevens-Lindros hit for all eternity.

 

 

OR

 

 

 

Bertuzzi's cell mate. We all know he likes to jump people from behind. Quickly becomes known as Marcy to the rest of the cell block.

 

 

 

(Sorry, couldn't make up my mind).

Posted

1. Aren't being a Loaf, being related to Shane Corson (by marraige, no less), and having to look at the one of the leagues' ugliest faces in the mirror signs that he's already there?

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