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Stoner

By Stoner
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WildCard Hall of Famer

WildCard

Posted
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He better check closely and make sure it isn't just the head in there.

Fun fact: that was a real dead horse they used. The actor didn't know, and so the reaction was genuine 

biodork First Liner

biodork

Posted
Posted

I need a male perspective on something and can't justify starting a new thread for this, so we'll try this one.  Background:

 

My coworker is a young guy, and I remember thinking when he first started (last April) that I wanted him to meet my younger female friend because I thought they'd probably get along.  My friend ended up dating someone else pretty soon after, so I never had the chance.  Fast-forward to around 6-8 weeks ago, and she is newly single because things didn't work out with the guy she was dating.  I told her I wanted to introduce her to my coworker because he's a really nice guy, smart, funny, etc.  She wasn't really looking to date again so soon, but was still interested to meet him as a potential friend, and I told her there wouldn't be any pressure from my end and that I wouldn't tell my coworker anything about it.

 

She's going to school on the same campus where we work, so she and I planned to meet for lunch one day (they do food trucks here a lot, so it was going to be pretty casual) and I invited him to join us.  They definitely got along, so all of us got together again for lunch a couple weeks after, and at that point she'd brought up Stranger Things.  They both loved the show and wanted to get me to watch it so we could all watch the 2nd season when it came out, so that's how I ended up getting in to the show.  The night season 2 came out, all three of us met up at my friend's apartment to watch several episodes, and the two of them were getting along famously.  She'd given him her phone # and they were texting some, and we'd all planned to do the same thing the following Friday night.  I'd told her I was happy they'd met because if nothing else they seemed like they'd be good friends, and she definitely seemed interested.

 

The following Friday, we all met at her place again, but he had gotten there earlier since I was running behind.  When I got there they looked super cozy together, sharing a blanket on the couch and laughing.  We finished watching the series, and when it was time to go, I had the feeling he was kind of stalling since the week before he and I had left at the same time.  I took the hint and left without him so he could have a chance to make a move if he wanted.  That Sunday my friend told me the two of them had gotten together again over the weekend for dinner and a movie, and that they had made plans for the following weekend as well.  All cool by me, since I introduced them on purpose!  But here's where it gets a little weird...

 

... my coworker didn't say anything about it last week.  Like I gave him a few opportunities (we usually talk about what we did over the weekend, upcoming plans, etc), and nothing.  Something came up later in the week where he realized he had the dates wrong about when a friend of his was in town to visit and he had to cancel their plans, and she told me that he told her the same thing, but he again said nothing about her when he and I were talking (just generically "I had to cancel all my plans for the weekend").

 

I brushed it off at first because I wondered if maybe he thought I'd be mad about him trying to date my friend, but the three of us were talking about going to see Thor this coming Friday and I really don't want things to be weird or him to feel like he has to pretend he doesn't like her.  So today at lunch, I said something like, "Hey, this is kind of awkward to bring up, but I just want to get this out there since we're all planning on getting together again this week.  It seems like you and (my friend) get along pretty well, and I just wanted to make sure you know that if you guys like each other, she's not off limits or anything like that just because she's my friend... feel free to go for it.  And while I'm happy to keep hanging out with you guys, if you wanted to do something on your own, you shouldn't feel like you have to invite me along."  And his response was kind of weird... like he said something to the effect that it was good to know and he was just happy to have friends to go and see movies and do things like that.  I didn't press because I don't want to make things uncomfortable, but any ideas from you guys on what the deal is?  Like I honestly can't think of a reason why he wouldn't have just said at that point like, "thanks, I'd really like to get to know her" or something like that.  I don't need specifics and it's not my business where it goes from here, but I want to make sure he's not being shady for some reason.  He's always seemed like a totally nice and stand-up guy, so I can't figure out why he wouldn't just be up front about it.  We talk all the time at work, and he's told me about other dates he's gone on (none recently), so it's not like it's a forbidden topic or anything.

biodork First Liner

biodork

Posted
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Sounds like he's just nervous/awkward. Not your fault at all though. Maybe don't go/pretend you are busy next time he invites you three together? 

 

If it were you, wouldn't you kind of guess that the girl might tell her friend, though?  I like both of them and I don't mind all of us getting together, but I don't want to be a 3rd wheel and I don't want him to be pretending they're not already talking and hanging out separately because it'll make her question his feelings for her if he's suddenly self-conscious or less affectionate if I'm there, and that's not fair to her.  I don't want to call him out and tell him I already know because then he'll know she told me, but I just want it out there in the open.

WildCard Hall of Famer

WildCard

Posted
Posted (edited)

If it were you, wouldn't you kind of guess that the girl might tell her friend, though?  I like both of them and I don't mind all of us getting together, but I don't want to be a 3rd wheel and I don't want him to be pretending they're not already talking and hanging out separately because it'll make her question his feelings for her if he's suddenly self-conscious or less affectionate if I'm there, and that's not fair to her.  I don't want to call him out and tell him I already know because then he'll know she told me, but I just want it out there in the open.

I mean yeah if it were me, I would figure the girl would tell her friend; last girl I dated was friends with my buddy's girlfriend, my buddy probbably now knows way too much about me :lol:

 

It honestly sounds like this is his first go at this; that's basically a move I've known guys to pull when they were like 15. Have you talked to her about this?

 

Either that or the much darker possibility is he already has a girl and doesn't wanna get caught. Does he seem like that kind of guy?

Edited by WildCard
biodork First Liner

biodork

Posted
Posted

I mean yeah if it were me, I would figure the girl would tell her friend; last girl I dated was friends with my buddy's girlfriend, my buddy probbably now knows way too much about me :lol:

 

It honestly sounds like this is his first go at this; that's basically a move I've known guys to pull when they were like 15. Have you talked to her about this?

 

Either that or the much darker possibility is he already has a girl and doesn't wanna get caught. Does he seem like that kind of guy?

Yeah because I told her towards the end of last week that I thought it was funny he still hadn't said anything about them, and now she's paranoid that he's hiding it for some reason.  I told her he was probably just worried I might not be cool with it and I'd wait until today to say something, and she hasn't asked yet but she's probably wondering.  And honestly your last point is the only other explanation I can come up with, but he totally doesn't seem like that kind of guy at all.  He had mentioned several weeks back about hanging out with a female friend of his and getting along with her friend, but he hadn't mentioned her since and he's honestly been so busy hanging out with other guy friends of his and then my friend and I the last few weekends that I don't know how he'd even have time to be dating someone else.  Even so, it would be fine for him to casually date a few girls if he wasn't ready to get serious with anyone right now, but the guy had a long-term girlfriend through college who he lived with until last Feb., so he really doesn't seem like the type to collect Tinder dates or anything.  I just don't get it.

WildCard Hall of Famer

WildCard

Posted
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Yeah because I told her towards the end of last week that I thought it was funny he still hadn't said anything about them, and now she's paranoid that he's hiding it for some reason.  I told her he was probably just worried I might not be cool with it and I'd wait until today to say something, and she hasn't asked yet but she's probably wondering.  And honestly your last point is the only other explanation I can come up with, but he totally doesn't seem like that kind of guy at all.  He had mentioned several weeks back about hanging out with a female friend of his and getting along with her friend, but he hadn't mentioned her since and he's honestly been so busy hanging out with other guy friends of his and then my friend and I the last few weekends that I don't know how he'd even have time to be dating someone else.  Even so, it would be fine for him to casually date a few girls if he wasn't ready to get serious with anyone right now, but the guy had a long-term girlfriend through college who he lived with until last Feb., so he really doesn't seem like the type to collect Tinder dates or anything.  I just don't get it.

Only other thing I can come up with is he's not interested in her outside of a friendship. Maybe he was at first and now he isn't?

darksabre Hall of Famer

darksabre

Posted
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Yeah because I told her towards the end of last week that I thought it was funny he still hadn't said anything about them, and now she's paranoid that he's hiding it for some reason. I told her he was probably just worried I might not be cool with it and I'd wait until today to say something, and she hasn't asked yet but she's probably wondering. And honestly your last point is the only other explanation I can come up with, but he totally doesn't seem like that kind of guy at all. He had mentioned several weeks back about hanging out with a female friend of his and getting along with her friend, but he hadn't mentioned her since and he's honestly been so busy hanging out with other guy friends of his and then my friend and I the last few weekends that I don't know how he'd even have time to be dating someone else. Even so, it would be fine for him to casually date a few girls if he wasn't ready to get serious with anyone right now, but the guy had a long-term girlfriend through college who he lived with until last Feb., so he really doesn't seem like the type to collect Tinder dates or anything. I just don't get it.

I would guess he just doesn't feel as comfortable talking to you about his relationship with your friend as he would about women you don't know. Maybe he's nervous that he might say something that will get him in trouble if you repeat it to her? It's very possible there's no good reason for his lack of openness, but as a guy I can say that I've definitely kept relationship things closer to the vest when it came to situations in the past where everyone was friends.

biodork First Liner

biodork

Posted
Posted

This seems like a Big bang theory plot.

:w00t:

 

Only other thing I can come up with is he's not interested in her outside of a friendship. Maybe he was at first and now he isn't?

Maybe. Ugh I thought I'd done a good thing introducing them and now I'm not so sure.  We have a really good working relationship and get along well, so I don't want to do anything to mess that up (or hurt my friend).

 

I would guess he just doesn't feel as comfortable talking to you about his relationship with your friend as he would about women you don't know. Maybe he's nervous that he might say something that will get him in trouble if you repeat it to her? It's very possible there's no good reason for his lack of openness, but as a guy I can say that I've definitely kept relationship things closer to the vest when it came to situations in the past where everyone was friends.

Yeah, and I couldn't blame him for that... I dunno, maybe he's just trying to play it cool and not let on he likes her too much if he thinks I'll just tell her, but I just don't want Fri. to be weird.  What have I done, lol.

MattPie All Star

MattPie

Posted
Posted

:w00t:

 

Maybe. Ugh I thought I'd done a good thing introducing them and now I'm not so sure.  We have a really good working relationship and get along well, so I don't want to do anything to mess that up (or hurt my friend).

 

Yeah, and I couldn't blame him for that... I dunno, maybe he's just trying to play it cool and not let on he likes her too much if he thinks I'll just tell her, but I just don't want Fri. to be weird.  What have I done, lol.

 

Any chance he's crushing on you? I've been on that end of the transaction more times than I like to admit and the behavior is vaguely familiar. 

WildCard Hall of Famer

WildCard

Posted
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Any chance he's crushing on you? I've been on that end of the transaction more times than I like to admit and the behavior is vaguely familiar. 

On which end? 

 

It is a classic move though

spndnchz All Star

spndnchz

Posted
Posted

Any chance he's crushing on you? I've been on that end of the transaction more times than I like to admit and the behavior is vaguely familiar. 

 

Ever see the movie "Drinking Buddies"?

SwampD Hall of Famer

SwampD

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I thought Bio was looking for some male perspective on this. All I see is a bunch of actual advice.

 

Male perspective: Go to the movies, then bang'em both.

Stoner Hall of Famer

Stoner

Posted
  • Author
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I thought Bio was looking for some male perspective on this. All I see is a bunch of actual advice.

 

Male perspective: Go to the movies, then bang'em both.

The story did start in a very tantalizing fashion, dinnit?

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