The even randomer thread

[ubkev]

1 hour ago, Ogre said:

I haven’t owned sweatpants since high school, for a reason unbeknownst to me, some 30 yrs ago. I Primed myself a pair and am wearing them for the first time today. 

GD I am comfortable! I may just switch over my entire wardrobe 

I wear a suit and tie 10 hours a day, every damn day. At least once a week, it's a three piece suit. When I'm at home I'm permanently in gym shorts, or sweatpants and a wife beater. Slippers or flip flops depending on temperature. 

[Weave]

Managed to lock myself out of the house.  Haven’t done that in years.  Wife is out shopping.  I made a Home Depot run and forgot that I had taken my house key off my keychain yesterday.

Id feel so much better about weaseling out of a chore if I wasn’t separated from my beer.

[Taro T]

1 hour ago, Weave said:

Managed to lock myself out of the house.  Haven’t done that in years.  Wife is out shopping.  I made a Home Depot run and forgot that I had taken my house key off my keychain yesterday.

Id feel so much better about weaseling out of a chore if I wasn’t separated from my beer.

Really, you, of all people, don't have the "secret way" into the house mapped out?

And, as long as you're accidentally weaseling out of a chore, might as well head to your local, which WILL have beer, whisk(e)y, or both. ?

[Weave]

58 minutes ago, Taro T said:

Really, you, of all people, don't have the "secret way" into the house mapped out?

And, as long as you're accidentally weaseling out of a chore, might as well head to your local, which WILL have beer, whisk(e)y, or both. ?

I could have gotten in, but would have resulted in another, unscheduled trip to home Depot.

The local was VERY tempting at that point.

Edited September 29, 2019 by Weave

[josie]

6 hours ago, Ogre said:

I haven’t owned sweatpants since high school, for a reason unbeknownst to me, some 30 yrs ago. I Primed myself a pair and am wearing them for the first time today. 

GD I am comfortable! I may just switch over my entire wardrobe 

Careful man, that's a slippery slope.

I was the girl who refused to wear leggings or yoga pants into public. Didn't feel pulled together. Too exposed, certainly didn't feel in shape enough, was afraid of being ridiculed. Always would have a dress or jeans.

Then I became a damn circus artist and have to wear them all the time to the studio. Stopped giving a crap about the above. The comfort. The ease. The simplicity. My god jeans are a prison now.... I can't go back to the way I was... 

[Eleven]

5 hours ago, ubkev said:

At least once a week, it's a three piece suit.

In the summer?  Why?

[Eleven]

This is pretty cool stuff, if you're into people who now are dead.  Eerie how the trees in front of the White House look the same to me in the photos as they did when I lived near it.

 

 

[ubkev]

6 hours ago, Eleven said:

In the summer?  Why?

Lots of reasons! Sometimes I wake up late and only have time to iron the sleeves of my shirt. Other times I'm just feeling it.

Oh and I dig the French cuffs with the three piece. 

Edited September 30, 2019 by ubkev

[Stoner]

9 hours ago, Eleven said:

This is pretty cool stuff, if you're into people who now are dead.  Eerie how the trees in front of the White House look the same to me in the photos as they did when I lived near it.

 

 

I thought it was the world's first clothed mirror pic.

[Eleven]

5 minutes ago, PASabreFan said:

I thought it was the world's first clothed mirror pic.

The real question is which one is you?

[Stoner]

1 minute ago, Eleven said:

The real question is which one is you?

I'm not THAT old. I'm the little kid at the waffle stand. They were good, but syrup hadn't been invented yet.

[shrader]

9 hours ago, Eleven said:

This is pretty cool stuff, if you're into people who now are dead.

 

I can't stop reading this sentence.  I don't know whether to laugh or to cringe.

[ubkev]

Had to stay late on my Friday for a meeting where they told me that the salary folk will no longer accrue PTO. Instead we're moving to the use it or lose it FTO. I'll have 30 days a year that I can no longer roll over or cash out. Instead of the capped 224 hours of which I accrue a little over 4 hours per week and I can cash out whenever I want. I get it. They don't want to pay people their PTO balances when they quit or get fired. Anything to save a buck. 

So I've got about 40 days off coming to me over the next 370 days. Any suggestions on vacation spots?

[dudacek]

22 minutes ago, ubkev said:

Had to stay late on my Friday for a meeting where they told me that the salary folk will no longer accrue PTO. Instead we're moving to the use it or lose it FTO. I'll have 30 days a year that I can no longer roll over or cash out. Instead of the capped 224 hours of which I accrue a little over 4 hours per week and I can cash out whenever I want. I get it. They don't want to pay people their PTO balances when they quit or get fired. Anything to save a buck. 

So I've got about 40 days off coming to me over the next 370 days. Any suggestions on vacation spots?

 

Had something similar about 10 years ago, ended up getting 13 weeks holiday that year. Used it for a home reno.

[Sabres Fan in NS]

1 hour ago, ubkev said:

Had to stay late on my Friday for a meeting where they told me that the salary folk will no longer accrue PTO. Instead we're moving to the use it or lose it FTO. I'll have 30 days a year that I can no longer roll over or cash out. Instead of the capped 224 hours of which I accrue a little over 4 hours per week and I can cash out whenever I want. I get it. They don't want to pay people their PTO balances when they quit or get fired. Anything to save a buck. 

So I've got about 40 days off coming to me over the next 370 days. Any suggestions on vacation spots?

I would say Croatia, but you are too late. It's now Disneyland Balkans.

So, I would spend 4 weeks in Sarajevo and Bosnia and the rest in Istanbul. Yup.

[ubkev]

38 minutes ago, New Scotland (NS) said:

I would say Croatia, but you are too late. It's now Disneyland Balkans.

So, I would spend 4 weeks in Sarajevo and Bosnia and the rest in Istanbul. Yup.

I have 2 friends who left the US for their home in Sarajevo in the middle of August. I have a standing invitation to visit whenever I want. They were refugees from the war who moved to Utica. I worked with them in NY for 5 years. We all moved south and 10 years later they were ready to go back home. I'll visit eventually.

[Eleven]

1 hour ago, ubkev said:

I have 2 friends who left the US for their home in Sarajevo in the middle of August. I have a standing invitation to visit whenever I want. They were refugees from the war who moved to Utica. I worked with them in NY for 5 years. We all moved south and 10 years later they were ready to go back home. I'll visit eventually.

I think I still have the 1984 Sarajevo Winter Olympics guide that I bought at WaldenBooks somewhere.

[ubkev]

24 minutes ago, Eleven said:

I think I still have the 1984 Sarajevo Winter Olympics guide that I bought at WaldenBooks somewhere.

I've skated on Olympic ice, bobsledded down the Olympic track and raced the same runs as the Olympic downhillers(against Olympians!) in Lake Placid, of course.

Once I win the lottery, I will travel to most every winter Olympics site. Big ones are Sarajevo, Cortina, Albertville, Torino, Squaw Valley, Chamonix, Sapporo and Lillehmmer. Oh and Vancouver, for sure!

[Sabres Fan in NS]

17 hours ago, ubkev said:

I've skated on Olympic ice, bobsledded down the Olympic track and raced the same runs as the Olympic downhillers(against Olympians!) in Lake Placid, of course.

Once I win the lottery, I will travel to most every winter Olympics site. Big ones are Sarajevo, Cortina, Albertville, Torino, Squaw Valley, Chamonix, Sapporo and Lillehmmer. Oh and Vancouver, for sure!

Be very careful of the landmines and unexploded ordinances in the mountains around Sarajevo, including the Olympic ski runs.  The cowards set up in those hills to lay siege to that beautiful city.  They left all kinds of crap as their legacy.

[ubkev]

20 minutes ago, New Scotland (NS) said:

Be very careful of the landmines and unexploded ordinances in the mountains around Sarajevo, including the Olympic ski runs.  The cowards set up in those hills to lay siege to that beautiful city.  They left all kinds of crap as their legacy.

THATS why I wanna go! 

[shrader]

Every single time I see a "baby on board" sticker, I immediately respond with "something something, Burt Ward".

[North Buffalo]

Starting my last chemo day now! Here goes nothing.

[josie]

13 minutes ago, North Buffalo said:

Starting my last chemo day now! Here goes nothing.

Get it! ❤️ 

[spndnchz]

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:  
 
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest.. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie.  What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??  
 
WAY TOO COOL!  
 
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. 
Nothing! I was disappointed.  I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of 
electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. 
 
AWESOME!!! 
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. 

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? 
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.   I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.  
 
Am I wrong?  
 
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. 
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded 
with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...? 
 
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.  I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . .. 
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . .. . WHAT THE HELL!!!  
 
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. 
I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?    The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. 
 
 Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! 
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?  
 
SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!! 
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. 
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.  The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.  My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. 
Apparently I ***** myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!! 
 
 P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! 
 
 'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid

[Randall Flagg]

Was just driven to the airport by a gentleman from Pakistan. He's related to Abdul Salam, a physics Nobel Prize winner whose name is in acronyms I've used before. And when I told him I was going to Buffalo, he asked excitedly if I knew who Tim Russert was, and then raved about him for a few minutes. It was a really interesting ride. I also received book recommendations and life advice

Edited October 8, 2019 by Randall Flagg