False Accusations of Harassment and Me.

[Drunkard]

Certainly.  I am not talking about any scenario where consent is revoked during the course of action.

 

I would say it fits into your "regret sex" category.  That said, it's not so much how often it occurs, it's the capacity for it to occur that was more my point.  The simple fact is that consent can be revoked after the encounter and the problems that can be caused when it happens.  My point was, because of that it almost feels like you get to the point where you have to have some level of signed documentation or irrefutable proof to avoid the possibility.

 

Again, not that is happens often.  Just that it can and if you are assigning risk to situations you have to account for the possibility.

 

Fair enough. For the record though even signed documentation would be pointless because even if you received signed consent that is time stamped for the October 27th at 11:00 pm the person still has the right to revoke consent at 11:01 pm or any time they feel like it. They could be fully enjoying the encounter, then it starts to hurt and if they say stop, and you must stop because it is no longer consensual at that point.

 

Reporting regret sex is incredibly rare though, but even though it does happen occasionally it is generally sniffed out through interviews with law enforcement and/or the district attorney. Reporting cases of sexual assault takes a huge emotional toll on a victim and given how low the conviction/punishment rates are for people who are actually sexually assaulting others, putting yourself through that ordeal and drawing all that attention for something like regret sex is even less likely. If you sleep with "Bob" and you really regret doing it the last thing you generally want to do is talk to a bunch of cops and prosecutors about sleeping with "Bob". The main reason most victims come forward is because they don't want their assailant to victimize somebody else and that just really doesn't apply to "Bob" who didn't do anything wrong you just regret your decision to sleep with him.

 

All that said there are still some horrible people out there who will make false accusations and completely fabricate their stories or tell partial truths to make themselves a victim and the other person a monster. There's not much you can do about something like that but to tell the truth and hope the professionals (Law Enforcement and District Attorneys) are competent enough to see through the b.s. The best thing you can do is be more discerning about who you choose to take home or have security cameras with audio so you can show that consent was never revoked.

Edited October 25, 2016 by Drunkard

[DirtDart]

I hope freeman sees this and comments upon it.

 

Tonight, I was out with my friend J at a bar.

 

The bar was full.  A woman entered my space to order drinks.  That's ok.  That happens at bars.

 

I went to put something in my pocket, and the left end of my left hand grazed her butt.  That happens at bars, too.  Immediately, it was "I'm sorry, excuse me."

 

What happens later is in hours and minutes.

 

0:10  A woman comes up and accuses me of sexually assaulting her friend.  I didn't even know what she was talking about.  Once she explained, I explained what happened.  She said, ok, but what was your hand doing near my friend's ass?  Me, well, I was either gesturing while speaking, or putting something in my pocket.  Sorry I bumped your friend.  I did apologize to her.  People get bump into people, or things, all the time.  She:  I believed you until your people bump into things all the time excuse.

 

0:12  Said woman involves some "muscle," whom I presume to be someone who dates one of the women.  Now J, who is as big as a house, gets involved.  They argue over whether millenials need safe spaces.

 

0:15  I decide to shut it down.  J, stop; I can fight my own battles.  J:  (To the woman and the muscle, not me); he's right; he's the best litigator I know in Buffalo.  Me:  Look, I'm sorry if I hurt your friend, but I already did apologize to her and I will again if she'd like to talk.  If not, that's ok, too.

 

0:40  The women are back.  One of them (wearing an orange bandana--relevant later) is deliberately touching my butt every three or four minutes.  I'm ignoring it.  I'm having a conversation with my friend about which James Bond movie is best.  This, this is real bar talk.

 

0:41  I go to and return from the bathroom.  A very tall woman tells me that she'll call the police if I ever touch her friend again.  I tell her and her friend (the woman at 0:10) that this is nonsense, that they are harassing me, and that I want them to leave me alone.  They walk away.

 

0:45  Bartender (a woman, and a friend) learns of this and starts laughing at the idea that I would grab a woman's ass in the middle of the bar.  J and I explain that this, presently, is not a laughing matter.  We drink shots.

 

1:10  Four women are surrounding me with accusations.  I say, "which one of you is the one who claims I touched her?  Can I explain and apologize again?"  No one answers.  Finally, Orange Bandanna speaks up.  "She's outside."  "Ok, let's talk." (By the way, no one is outside.) Now I get cross-examined by Orange Bandanna.  

 

I explain that hey, I bumped into someone, all that is all that.  Orange Bandanna now tells me that I slapped her friend on the butt.  I explained that the only woman whose butt I'd like to touch has been in the ground for two and a half years.  She insists that I slapped her friend on the butt.  We eventually agree to disagree, I guess. 

 

I NEVER SLAPPED ANYTHING.

 

I did graze a butt with my hand.

 

I did so because it was crowded and because the butt in question invaded MY space.

 

These women ruined my night with a friend.

 

I get that women are at risk.  I really do.  But...

 

Please think of this the next time you presume to accuse, or the next time you presume that accusations are accurate.

Did the poker of your butt give you her #?

[SabresFanInRochester]

Eleven -- I am glad everything turned out okay.

 

To drag this over from the political message board -- are you certain you are not a Republican? Your misogynist action and womanizing sounds more aligned to those associated with said party.  :P

[JJFIVEOH]

In my best beer chugging Eich //

 

JJ, I'm coming for ya .........

 

Bring it!  :flirt:

[LTS]

Fair enough. For the record though even signed documentation would be pointless because even if you received signed consent that is time stamped for the October 27th at 11:00 pm the person still has the right to revoke consent at 11:01 pm or any time they feel like it. They could be fully enjoying the encounter, then it starts to hurt and if they say stop, and you must stop because it is no longer consensual at that point.

 

Reporting regret sex is incredibly rare though, but even though it does happen occasionally it is generally sniffed out through interviews with law enforcement and/or the district attorney. Reporting cases of sexual assault takes a huge emotional toll on a victim and given how low the conviction/punishment rates are for people who are actually sexually assaulting others, putting yourself through that ordeal and drawing all that attention for something like regret sex is even less likely. If you sleep with "Bob" and you really regret doing it the last thing you generally want to do is talk to a bunch of cops and prosecutors about sleeping with "Bob". The main reason most victims come forward is because they don't want their assailant to victimize somebody else and that just really doesn't apply to "Bob" who didn't do anything wrong you just regret your decision to sleep with him.

 

All that said there are still some horrible people out there who will make false accusations and completely fabricate their stories or tell partial truths to make themselves a victim and the other person a monster. There's not much you can do about something like that but to tell the truth and hope the professionals (Law Enforcement and District Attorneys) are competent enough to see through the b.s. The best thing you can do is be more discerning about who you choose to take home or have security cameras with audio so you can show that consent was never revoked.

 

I'm more along the lines of getting a signed notarized consent form that includes the creation of video that will be destroyed upon completion of the act and the signing of a final consent form that states at no point was consent revoked.  The notary will be the videographer.  This is just in case revocation occurs.  granted I would stop, but I think we should escalate to that level of protection just to be safe. :)

 

The things people do these days to mess with other people's lives is bordering on scary.

[That Aud Smell]

I'm more along the lines of getting a signed notarized consent form that includes the creation of video that will be destroyed upon completion of the act and the signing of a final consent form that states at no point was consent revoked.  The notary will be the videographer.  This is just in case revocation occurs.  granted I would stop, but I think we should escalate to that level of protection just to be safe. :)

 

The things people do these days to mess with other people's lives is bordering on scary.

 

I think I've posted it here in the past - Chappelle's "Love Contract" sketch is a classic (and it foretold the future, apparently):

 

http://www.cc.com/video-clips/jwmvxd/chappelle-s-show-love-contract

 

(Can't embed now that it's no longer on YouTube -- good for you, Dave!)

[Sabres Fan in NS]

I think I've posted it here in the past - Chappelle's "Love Contract" sketch is a classic (and it foretold the future, apparently):

 

http://www.cc.com/video-clips/jwmvxd/chappelle-s-show-love-contract

 

(Can't embed now that it's no longer on YouTube -- good for you, Dave!)

 

And it's been banned in Canada, or so it seems.

[That Aud Smell]

And it's been banned in Canada, or so it seems.

 

There are sometimes similar issues when people in the U.S. try to watch content hosted in Canada.

[BagBoy]

When negotiations are necessary, let the lawyers handle it...

 

[Andrew Amerk]

This thread made me sad.

[inkman]

I've had a similar yet far more egregious event in my life. It wasn't sexual in nature but it followed me around for a long time. Basically ruined my Junior and Senior year of college.