If You Owned the Sabres For a Day....

[TrueBlueGED]

24 changes, for 24 hours as owner.

 

1) Go back to royal blue and ditch the gray on the jerseys.

 

2) First order of meddling? Forbid Bylsma from playing Eichel and Kane together. 

 

3) Begin a design competition for arena renovations, particularly an updated 300-level concourse. Us broke folk deserve more walking space and easier exits dammit! Also, replace the Harbor Club with...the Bogo Bunker! 1 in 5 chairs will break upon use, and the procedure for ordering drinks will require a failed head fake. Upon entry, all currency must be exchanged for Corsi Dollars, since you'll be giving away the Corsis, just like Bogo. Okay, no? Moving on...

 

4) It's been mentioned, but 100% on the privacy dividers in the bathrooms. When I am elected temporary Sabrespace owner, I plan to abolish the false choice between privacy and beer shelves!

 

5) Un-retire Gare and Horton's numbers.

 

6) Satanic goatheads as the third jersey. I love those things, and so do you. My (and any youngish person's) best memories involve those jerseys. Or should, anyway. If they don't, you need better best memories.

 

7) Provide for RJ's suspenders to be hung from the rafters immediately upon retirement. 

 

8) Fire whoever thinks playing Cotton Eye Joe is still a good idea and replace them with somebody who is familiar with post-1990s music.

 

9) Offer a daughter's hand in marriage to get Vesey to sign. That's right, we're forming GoT-style alliances.

 

10) Hire PA as Vice President of Common Sense - Marketing. As much as we joke about some of it, and I don't personally care about much of it...some of the things the Sabres do from a PR/business combo perspective really are ham-handed. PA will have veto power over these things (see: suddenly moving the Rochester preseason game with a flimsy reason).

 

11) Because I can't be too nice to PA, I will create a Department of Meddling, whose express purpose is to come up with new and annoying ways for Pegula to meddle upon his return.

 

12) Hire Freeman and empower him to can Russ Brandon--from the Sabres and the Bills. 

 

13) Because I don't want PA to think I'm giving Freeman preferential treatment, Freeman's 1-day office will be adorned with Bill Clinton memorabilia (if you have to ask, the answer is yes...), with Hillary Clinton speeches playing on loop. Unconfirmed, but an Obama bobblehead may be superglued to his car hood upon exit.

 

14) Hire an artist to paint for Smell a glamour painting of Kim.

 

15) Hire WildCard to overhaul the website, but provide no information on what that should entail.

 

16) Unveil a Kessel eating hot dogs out of the Cup banner at the first game versus Toronto. 

 

17) Declare no more general media availability for team employees, then measure whose head makes the most noise upon explosion: Harrington's, Bucky's, or Sullivan's.

 

18) Find a new color commentator. Sorry Rob, but we deserve better.

 

19) Arena-wide WiFi.

 

20) Run out of gas and take a nap, wasting the last four hours.

[Eleven]

24 changes, for 24 hours as owner.

 

1) Go back to royal blue and ditch the gray on the jerseys.

 

2) First order of meddling? Forbid Bylsma from playing Eichel and Kane together. 

 

3) Begin a design competition for arena renovations, particularly an updated 300-level concourse. Us broke folk deserve more walking space and easier exits dammit! Also, replace the Harbor Club with...the Bogo Bunker! 1 in 5 chairs will break upon use, and the procedure for ordering drinks will require a failed head fake. Upon entry, all currency must be exchanged for Corsi Dollars, since you'll be giving away the Corsis, just like Bogo. Okay, no? Moving on...

 

4) It's been mentioned, but 100% on the privacy dividers in the bathrooms. When I am elected temporary Sabrespace owner, I plan to abolish the false choice between privacy and beer shelves!

 

5) Un-retire Gare and Horton's numbers.

 

6) Satanic goatheads as the third jersey. I love those things, and so do you. My (and any youngish person's) best memories involve those jerseys. Or should, anyway. If they don't, you need better best memories.

 

7) Provide for RJ's suspenders to be hung from the rafters immediately upon retirement. 

 

8) Fire whoever thinks playing Cotton Eye Joe is still a good idea and replace them with somebody who is familiar with post-1990s music.

 

9) Offer a daughter's hand in marriage to get Vesey to sign. That's right, we're forming GoT-style alliances.

 

10) Hire PA as Vice President of Common Sense - Marketing. As much as we joke about some of it, and I don't personally care about much of it...some of the things the Sabres do from a PR/business combo perspective really are ham-handed. PA will have veto power over these things (see: suddenly moving the Rochester preseason game with a flimsy reason).

 

11) Because I can't be too nice to PA, I will create a Department of Meddling, whose express purpose is to come up with new and annoying ways for Pegula to meddle upon his return.

 

12) Hire Freeman and empower him to can Russ Brandon--from the Sabres and the Bills. 

 

13) Because I don't want PA to think I'm giving Freeman preferential treatment, Freeman's 1-day office will be adorned with Bill Clinton memorabilia (if you have to ask, the answer is yes...), with Hillary Clinton speeches playing on loop. Unconfirmed, but an Obama bobblehead may be superglued to his car hood upon exit.

 

14) Hire an artist to paint for Smell a glamour painting of Kim.

 

15) Hire WildCard to overhaul the website, but provide no information on what that should entail.

 

16) Unveil a Kessel eating hot dogs out of the Cup banner at the first game versus Toronto. 

 

17) Declare no more general media availability for team employees, then measure whose head makes the most noise upon explosion: Harrington's, Bucky's, or Sullivan's.

 

18) Find a new color commentator. Sorry Rob, but we deserve better.

 

19) Arena-wide WiFi.

 

20) Run out of gas and take a nap, wasting the last four hours.

 

Can I be in charge of the department of meddling?

[qwksndmonster]

1) Hire somebody with actual wit and savvy to run the twitter account.

 

2) Design a new NHL website from scratch and force the league to shut down their pathetic bandwidth sucking excuse of a website.

 

3) All music in the arena will be live.

-There'll be an organist in the rafters (held to the standard that he can only play the GoT theme once every 3 games).

-There'll be a ~15 piece brass band mic'd up from the 200s to play funk. Maybe a drum line behind them.

-There'll be a small stage near the ice for local bands to play.  Different one every game. I am in charge of the selection process.

 

4) Hire Robviously as the uniform Czar.

 

5) Give rip a new team jersey that has some BS number on it.  When he's thanking me I lean in and whisper "you're fired."

 

6) Continue not having ice girls.

 

7) Get some little kid hockey teams on the ice for short games during intermission.

 

8) Fire Bylsma based solely on my personal misgivings.

 

9) Meddle Samson to center ice.

 

10) Make a deal with one of the legendary wing places (maybe Duff's) to put several wings places in the Arena.

 

11) Get rid of the corporate sponsor names and call the Arena something cool.  Like Knox Rink or somesuch.

 

12) Ditch the metal detectors and hire Derek Roy as head of security.

 

13) Steal all of Trueblue's good ideas: Napping, getting rid of Rob Ray, WiFi, etc.

Edited July 12, 2016 by qwksndmonster

[Stoner]

1) Hire somebody with actual wit and savvy to run the twitter account.

 

2) Design a new NHL website from scratch and force the league to shut down their pathetic bandwidth sucking excuse of a website.

 

3) All music in the arena will be live.

-There'll be an organist in the rafters (held to the standard that he can only play the GoT theme once every 3 games).

-There'll be a ~15 piece brass band mic'd up from the 200s to play funk. Maybe a drum line behind them.

-There'll be a small stage near the ice for local bands to play.  Different one every game. I am in charge of the selection process.

 

4) Hire Robviously as the uniform Czar.

 

5) Give rip a new team jersey that has some BS number on it.  When he's thanking me I lean in and whisper "you're fired."

 

6) Continue not having ice girls.

 

7) Get some little kid hockey teams on the ice for short games during intermission.

 

8) Fire Bylsma based solely on my personal misgivings.

 

9) Meddle Samson to center ice.

 

10) Make a deal with one of the legendary wing places (maybe Duff's) to put several wings places in the Arena.

 

11) Get rid of the corporate sponsor names and call the Arena something cool.  Like Knox Rink or somesuch.

 

12) Ditch the metal detectors and hire Derek Roy as head of security.

 

13) Steal all of Trueblue's good ideas: Napping, getting rid of Rob Ray, WiFi, etc.

Will 12. involve a crotch grab?

[TrueBlueGED]

Can I be in charge of the department of meddling?

Yes, under one condition: you outsource all food-related meddling to...well, anyone who isn't you, really.

[WildCard]

Will 12. involve a crotch grab?

We can only hope so

 

True, solid list :D

[Huckleberry]

Will 12. involve a crotch grab?

 

and ###### probing.

 

anaal :p

Edited July 13, 2016 by Huckleberry

[Hoss]

Qwk's number one is the most important change posted yet

[WildCard]

Qwk's number one is the most important change posted yet

It's gotten a little better

 

I also agree with no ice girls. Though I wouldn't mind the Chicago style of having the girls cleaning the ice

[Cisse]

1. Original jerseys back.

 

2. Trade Kane

 

3. Start a petition to get Bettman fired and denied the access to any ice hockey rink in the world.

[dudacek]

Fact: Bettman saved hockey in Buffalo.

[TrueBlueGED]

Fact: Bettman saved hockey in Buffalo.

Correct, and I thank him for it. But I'm still waiting outside his office with a torch and pitchfork.

[Cisse]

Fact: Bettman saved hockey in Buffalo.

I'd stil get rid of him if I ever got a half a chance.

[WildCard]

Fact: Bettman saved hockey in Buffalo.

Other Commissioners would have likely done the same I believe

[Hoss]

It's gotten a little better

In some aspects. Others it has gotten worse.