(OT) Scoping the Colon: The Reaming of PASabreFan

[spndnchz]

#PAcolon trending on twitter!

[josie]

Started the Miralax/lemon-lime Gatorade cocktail. The Miralax has no taste, so it tastes like, uh, Gatorade. I have to drink eight, eight-ounce glasses in two to three hours.

Oh Miralax. As someone who has no function in sections of the intestines for various reasons, I used to have to take it daily. I eventually figured out that a good diet and a glass of beer or wine at night does the trick for me and quit using it. Of all the gut relaxers out there, Miralax ain't so bad.

 

Good luck!

[Stoner]

#PAcolon trending on twitter!

 

I actually looked.

 

I want Rice a Roni.

[Brawndo]

Started the Miralax/lemon-lime Gatorade cocktail. The Miralax has no taste, so it tastes like, uh, Gatorade. I have to drink eight, eight-ounce glasses in two to three hours.

 

There is a colonoscopy prep called GoLYTELY. The most blatant case of false advertising EVER.

Edited September 4, 2014 by BRAWNDO

[nfreeman]

How nuts am I that I want an update?

[MattPie]

How nuts am I that I want an update?

 

PA texted me an update. All is said was: FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH - sputter - sputter over and over again.

[Stoner]

How nuts am I that I want an update?

Well I pussed out on the last four ounces. I was on the verge of ralphing and I figured it would be better to forgo the half cup instead of losing untold ounces the other way. The drink isn't the problem — it's the amount you have to drink fairly quickly. I would advise a bit slower pace. I was drinking eight ounces every 20 minutes. I could have taken 30 minutes.

 

The BMs were fine, nothing too explosive. After a while, it was kind of pleasant. You sit down and have a nice 15-second squirt, look down, see some lovely mellow yellow, wipe from back to front — the ladies have it made! I was still percolating at 5 o'clock, and there was a minor incident overnight, the details of which will not be revealed here until 2042.

 

All in all, it's been no big deal so far. Hunger mania came and went — I swore Walking Tacos were picketing outside my house last evening. I report at 6:30 and should be home about 10.

[That Aud Smell]

Walking Tacos. Hmmm.

[dEnnis the Menace]

Well I pussed out on the last four ounces. I was on the verge of ralphing and I figured it would be better to forgo the half cup instead of losing untold ounces the other way. The drink isn't the problem — it's the amount you have to drink fairly quickly. I would advise a bit slower pace. I was drinking eight ounces every 20 minutes. I could have taken 30 minutes.

 

The BMs were fine, nothing too explosive. After a while, it was kind of pleasant. You sit down and have a nice 15-second squirt, look down, see some lovely mellow yellow, wipe from back to front — the ladies have it made! I was still percolating at 5 o'clock, and there was a minor incident overnight, the details of which will not be revealed here until 2042.

 

All in all, it's been no big deal so far. Hunger mania came and went — I swore Walking Tacos were picketing outside my house last evening. I report at 6:30 and should be home about 10.

 

that's great haha

[nfreeman]

Good luck sir.

[darksabre]

Well I pussed out on the last four ounces. I was on the verge of ralphing and I figured it would be better to forgo the half cup instead of losing untold ounces the other way. The drink isn't the problem — it's the amount you have to drink fairly quickly. I would advise a bit slower pace. I was drinking eight ounces every 20 minutes. I could have taken 30 minutes.

 

The BMs were fine, nothing too explosive. After a while, it was kind of pleasant. You sit down and have a nice 15-second squirt, look down, see some lovely mellow yellow, wipe from back to front — the ladies have it made! I was still percolating at 5 o'clock, and there was a minor incident overnight, the details of which will not be revealed here until 2042.

 

All in all, it's been no big deal so far. Hunger mania came and went — I swore Walking Tacos were picketing outside my house last evening. I report at 6:30 and should be home about 10.

 

Woah woah woah, back to front?

[Stoner]

I'm a perfect ######. No polyps, no hemorrhoids, no prostate enlargement (doc took advantage of the situation to do a stress-free digital rectal exam). I am so lucky. I keep thinking about my brother. It's tough.

 

So they had me lined up for propofol, what the nurse called "The Michael Jackson Cocktail," which didn't make me feel that great (nor did the conversation out at the desk about the story that Joan Rivers was in some endoscopy suite when things went south). To avoid a couple hundred dollars out of pocket, I went with "conscious sedation," which is a combination sedative/pain med. I remember the first few minutes of the test, but that's it. I woke up in the recovery room. Recovery room is the closest most men will ever get to time in a spa. You've been sedated, you've got pain meds in your system, you've gotten some ###### action that you can plausibly deny since you don't remember it, you're stretched out in bed basically, naked and some cute nurse brings you a snack.

 

Seriously, for those who haven't had it done and should have it done (starting at 50 for lots of people but 40 for many others; check the guidelines), there is absolutely nothing to it. You'll feel so good when it's over, even if they find some polyps. You possibly will have saved your life.

 

Thanks for the well wishes and advice. What I really wanted to do was convince at least one person to go for it. Final piece of advice: keep your sense of humor. The situation is rife with humor.

 

But, uhhhh, they did find one thing:

 

 

I jammed it up the old Puppa Shoot in the spring of 80 to try and jinx Billy Smith. Forgot all about it. Until today.

[That Aud Smell]

Woah woah woah, back to front?

 

Good catch.

 

Setting aside what dudes choose to do with their doo-doo cleanup and speaking as a guy with multiple daughters, I learned (from their Mom) that the technique to be taught is from front to back. If you go the other way, you're setting the stage for infection of the va-jay-jay.

 

I'm a perfect ######.

 

But, uhhhh, they did find one thing:

 

 

I jammed it up the old Puppa Shoot in the spring of 80 to try and jinx Billy Smith. Forgot all about it. Until today.

 

Thanks for the update. And well-played.

[LastPommerFan]

Good catch.

 

Setting aside what dudes choose to do with their doo-doo cleanup and speaking as a guy with multiple daughters, I learned (from their Mom) that the technique to be taught is from front to back. If you go the other way, you're setting the stage for infection of the va-jay-jay.

 

 

This is the #1 reason I am excited to have 3 boys.

[shrader]

Seeing as how you're at least 20 years older than Rivers, I'd say you made the right call on the sedation. But at your age, why did you wait so long to do this?

[That Aud Smell]

This is the #1 reason I am excited to have 3 boys.

 

Psshh. I would do -- and have done -- far, far worse things for those girls.

 

And in terms of having a plan for my own elder care? I'll take daughters over sons every day of the week and twice on Sundays.

[dudacek]

 

 

And in terms of having a plan for my own elder care? I'll take daughters over sons every day of the week and twice on Sundays.

 

This. And I have been reminding my girls of that on a regular basis since they were little.

[mphs mike]

Congrats PA

Sound like you are free for 10 years - or is it 5 because of the family history?

[LastPommerFan]

Psshh. I would do -- and have done -- far, far worse things for those girls.

 

And in terms of having a plan for my own elder care? I'll take daughters over sons every day of the week and twice on Sundays.

This. And I have been reminding my girls of that on a regular basis since they were little.

 

now, see, these are great reasons to be excited about having daughters. I don't have any daughters. So i get excited about the wiping thing.

[Stoner]

Congrats PA

Sound like you are free for 10 years - or is it 5 because of the family history?

 

Good question. Probably not 10. I remember the doctor telling me — three or five I think. You're still a bit out of it when they talk to you. They're smart to give you paperwork with your results so there's absolutely no confusion.

[biodork]

Glad you survived with a clean bill of health, PA! With my family history I'm probably due to start getting screened around 40, and while I will not look forward to it, I will oblige when the time comes around because it's far better than the potential alternative.

 

Now go get yourself some tacos and Rice-a-Roni! ;)

[Stoner]

Glad you survived with a clean bill of health, PA! With my family history I'm probably due to start getting screened around 40, and while I will not look forward to it, I will oblige when the time comes around because it's far better than the potential alternative.

 

Now go get yourself some tacos and Rice-a-Roni! ;)

 

Thanks!

[bunomatic]

Crikey I'll be 50 in 6 months. I'm really looking forward to this. :blink:

[Stoner]

Woah woah woah, back to front?

 

Nice James Brown impression.

[Sabres Fan in NS]

Hey PA,

 

Glad everything turned out well in the end, my friend.

 

Hey, that rhymes.