OT Relationships

[Fire Lindy Ruff NOW]

yeah i know this kind of a weird topic but its interesting none the less. i was dating this girl for 2 and a half years and outta nowhere she tells me that she likes another guy. the weird thing is that she met him online and he lives in florida. anyway she dumps me and moves to florida. bizarre huh? ive never been this depressed in my life. so i have a few question for you sabrespacers. why do you think people cheat? have you ever cheated or been cheated on?

[will]

ywhy do you think people cheat?

i've always believed that cheating displays extremely low moral character, so you're better off in the end. there's really no reason someone can't break up with whoever they are involved with before initiating a physical relationship with another person. it doesn't sound like she carried on a relationship with this dude while she was still involved with you, so i gotta question why you consider it cheating. otherwise, i feel for you, dude...getting dumped sucks, and the best advice i ever heard was "it's her loss."

 

life goes on.

 

the only time i was cheated on, i didn't find out until years later. truth is, i wasn't surprised in the least. i despised the girl when i dated her, and for a long time afterwards (still do). i know that doesn't make sense, but nothing about our relationship did outside of the bedroom. young and stupid, i guess?

 

never cheated on anyone.

[Fire Lindy Ruff NOW]

thanks for responding man. she didnt cheat on me physically but she did emotionally. its been almost 4 months since this happened and im still depressed. i guess i just gotta let go, as difficult as it might be.

[Robviously]

yeah i know this kind of a weird topic but its interesting none the less. i was dating this girl for 2 and a half years and outta nowhere she tells me that she likes another guy. the weird thing is that she met him online and he lives in florida. anyway she dumps me and moves to florida. bizarre huh? ive never been this depressed in my life. so i have a few question for you sabrespacers. why do you think people cheat? have you ever cheated or been cheated on?

1. She sounds like a total flake so you're probably not missing much. It's really easy to impress someone over the internet because they only know what you want them to know and you never really have to think on your feet (i.e. you can take your time getting back to them with an email). She either didn't think of that (i.e. dumb) or was just insanely desperate for a change in her life (which probably has more to do with her than you).

 

2. How old are you both? The younger you are, the more exciting EVERYONE you aren't dating seems. The whole world seems full of potential. Once you're older, you notice the real world is nothing like the movies and you start to appreciate the stuff you DO have a lot more.

[Fire Lindy Ruff NOW]

1. She sounds like a total flake so you're probably not missing much. It's really easy to impress someone over the internet because they only know what you want them to know and you never really have to think on your feet (i.e. you can take your time getting back to them with an email). She either didn't think of that (i.e. dumb) or was just insanely desperate for a change in her life (which probably has more to do with her than you).

 

2. How old are you both? The younger you are, the more exciting EVERYONE you aren't dating seems. The whole world seems full of potential. Once you're older, you notice the real world is nothing like the movies and you start to appreciate the stuff you DO have a lot more.

yeah thats what i said. anyone can be anyone on the internet. i bet he just said everything she wanted to hear. manipulated her. oh and im 20 and so is she.

[will]

i don't make the rules, but i would advise you not to get too attached to anyone under the age of 25. women go through so many changes between 18 and 24 that from year to year, they can seem like completely different people. that's not ALL OF THEM, but enough for me to make that statement.

[DR HOLLIDAY]

1. She sounds like a total flake so you're probably not missing much. It's really easy to impress someone over the internet because they only know what you want them to know and you never really have to think on your feet (i.e. you can take your time getting back to them with an email). She either didn't think of that (i.e. dumb) or was just insanely desperate for a change in her life (which probably has more to do with her than you).

 

2. How old are you both? The younger you are, the more exciting EVERYONE you aren't dating seems. The whole world seems full of potential. Once you're older, you notice the real world is nothing like the movies and you start to appreciate the stuff you DO have a lot more.

 

I like your Part 2, thats pretty solid advice man....... :beer:

[Fire Lindy Ruff NOW]

i don't make the rules, but i would advise you not to get too attached to anyone under the age of 25. women go through so many changes between 18 and 24 that from year to year, they can seem like completely different people. that's not ALL OF THEM, but enough for me to make that statement.

yeah i agree with this. learn from your mistakes i guess is all we can do.

[Ghost of Dwight Drane]

i don't make the rules, but i would advise you not to get too attached to anyone under the age of 25. women go through so many changes between 18 and 24 13 and 55 that from year to year, they can seem like completely different people. that's not ALL OF THEM, but enough for me to make that statement.

 

Don't fret it. I like what S+R said about being younger. You're still full of life and it hurts.

 

The best part about being a guy and relationships is that you pretty much have an extra 10+ years to figure it out over a woman. Trust me, any 30something single women I know are running around like they are McGruber trying to undo a timebomb strapped to their ovaries.

 

Relax....concentrate on work, or school, or hobbies, and let the fun come when it does. If someone is going to run out on you on a whim and go cross-country, it doesn't sound like stability was her strongsuit. The internet makes it tougher now because people can say things and act on them without really thinking. When I was 13 I remember taking an hour just to get the nerve up to call a girl at her house. Now you can text in a booty call like it's a value fries at McDonalds.

[Fire Lindy Ruff NOW]

Don't fret it. I like what S+R said about being younger. You're still full of life and it hurts.

 

The best part about being a guy and relationships is that you pretty much have an extra 10+ years to figure it out over a woman. Trust me, any 30something single women I know are running around like they are McGruber trying to undo a timebomb strapped to their ovaries.

 

Relax....concentrate on work, or school, or hobbies, and let the fun come when it does. If someone is going to run out on you on a whim and go cross-country, it doesn't sound like stability was her strongsuit. The internet makes it tougher now because people can say things and act on them without really thinking. When I was 13 I remember taking an hour just to get the nerve up to call a girl at her house. Now you can text in a booty call like it's a value fries at McDonalds.

you make good points. this is gonna sound cliche but i really really loved her. honestly i thought she was the one. thats why it hurts so much. she was everything i wanted in a girl and now shes gone. it just sucks.

[Skibum]

People cheat because they aren't satisfied with their current situation. Some people are never satisfied, no matter what, so they always cheat. These people are whores.

 

I think you need to take a good hard look at your relationship and ask yourself if it was really "meant to be". If your girl left you for some guy on the internet, chances are things were not that great between the two of you. The important thing to remember, though, is that it's probably not because of something you said or did; it's more likely that either a) you guys were a bad fit for each other (which can be masked by such things as hot sex), or b) she's a ######. Either way, the only thing left to do is get on match.com and meaningless-sex your way to recovery. Better yet, try sleeping with some of her friends. You aren't getting her back, so you gotta get our there and fill that void. There are other fish in the sea, my friend, and the sooner you get back on your steed, the sooner your depression will lift. There's simply no alternative. Just be thankful there were no kids or binding legal documents involved.

 

Getting dumped always sucks, especially when there's another dude involved. Trust me, I've been there. But that's the way it goes sometimes, and you just have to heal, learn, and most importantly, get back in the game.

[Fire Lindy Ruff NOW]

People cheat because they aren't satisfied with their current situation. Some people are never satisfied, no matter what, so they always cheat. These people are whores.

 

I think you need to take a good hard look at your relationship and ask yourself if it was really "meant to be". If your girl left you for some guy on the internet, chances are things were not that great between the two of you. The important thing to remember, though, is that it's probably not because of something you said or did; it's more likely that either a) you guys were a bad fit for each other (which can be masked by such things as hot sex), or b) she's a ######. Either way, the only thing left to do is get on match.com and meaningless-sex your way to recovery. Better yet, try sleeping with some of her friends. You aren't getting her back, so you gotta get our there and fill that void. There are other fish in the sea, my friend, and the sooner you get back on your steed, the sooner your depression will lift. There's simply no alternative. Just be thankful there were no kids or binding legal documents involved.

 

Getting dumped always sucks, especially when there's another dude involved. Trust me, I've been there. But that's the way it goes sometimes, and you just have to heal, learn, and most importantly, get back in the game.

i agree. its just hard to take the right advice sometimes. we really did have a good relationship fot a whlie at least i thought so. i thought she was great and for a while she was. another thing thats makin it so difficult is that she said she wanted to stay friends but now she wont talk to me. we use to talk every single day now we dont at all. this is easily the craziest thing thats ever happened to me and i dont know how to pick up the pieces. i just sit at home all day cause i dont have a job. i barely hang out with any of my friends cause there so busy. so its basically myself left alone with my thoughts, and all i can think about is her.

[ParkMeadow]

Hopefully, the Sabres can do something to help you feel better!

 

Seriously, though, as a guy who's old enough to be your progenitor, my advice is to take to heart most of what's been offered in the above responses (right on, guys!), and if you are still stuck, then get some professional help. You are way too young to think that you've lost your life's soulmate, and you have a lot of living to do before you commit to a long term relationship. You should be sowing your wild oats now, to use an old-fashioned phrase!

[wingnut]

yeah i know this kind of a weird topic but its interesting none the less. i was dating this girl for 2 and a half years and outta nowhere she tells me that she likes another guy. the weird thing is that she met him online and he lives in florida. anyway she dumps me and moves to florida. bizarre huh? ive never been this depressed in my life. so i have a few question for you sabrespacers. why do you think people cheat? have you ever cheated or been cheated on?

 

Sorry kid. Time will heal it. In the meantime, trust me on this one - you just dodged a bullet the size of a truck. This girl flaked out on you before marriage and kids, and stealing a decade or more of your life. You lucky SOB, I'm talking you are walking around with a solid gold horseshoe up your butt, and you don't even realize it.

 

Don't get in a relationship with anyone who has ever cheated, or would be cheating to be in a relationship with you. When people can justify that, they can find justification to do it again.

 

Now go out and have some fun.

[BeachedNLA]

...And change your screen name here? (NOT intended as a barb).

 

Move on. Positives. When I went through something traumatic in a relationship ending, I used physical exercise to give me positive vibes. Do something that brings YOU happiness. There's a lot of truth to the old adage of "you can't be in love with someone unless you love yourself" (and a positive persona is a big turn-on to the opposite sex too). It sounds like you were in love with someone who was searching for something missing in their own life.

 

I agree with those on here who told you "if she left as she did, it's probably for the best" (move on, easier said than done, i know).

 

Now let's root for a big bounce-back game from Enroth, and a Sabres win!!

 

All the best.

[Ohiofan]

Ok. Here is some point-of-view from a lady. For whatever that's worth :blush:

 

You seem like a nice, sensitive guy, caring guy. You will come through this! You just have to believe in yourself...NO ONE should make you feel bad about yourself. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on the horse.

Honestly, if she left, she was feeling that your relationship with her was not the one for her. You are not her "The One" She is looking for something else, so take that cue from her. And trying to stay friends just does not work. Too many feelings on your part that will stay raw and not heal properly. Stay strong! The right gal is out there for you, I swear.

When I was 24, a guy I was dating and planned to marry decided to cheat and dumped me because he felt "stiffled". I had given up a lot for him, I dropped out of college to work and support him through school, and when he graduated we would get married, it would then be my turn to get my degree. 5 months before he graduated, and two months after I paid for his apartment, books, and car payment, he dumped me and started seeing someone else. I was devastated, totally. I did have some counseling sessions, and they really helped me regain my self esteem. You should try this.

Lo and Behold...three months later while out with friends for the night, I met a guy at a bar (haha). We fell in love almost instantly...it was fate, it had to be. We married later that same year and have been married almost 23 years. We are very happy, and very much in love, to this day.

I was not looking for him that night. I was still nursing my wounds from the a$$ that dumped me. Oh...the a$$? He begged me to take him back because the rent was due and I guess he was tired of the new chick. At that point I was moving on with my future husband and all I could do was THANK HIM for doing me the favor of dumping me.

 

You're young dude. The right girl is out there for you. Give yourself time to mourn the end of the relationship, but not too much. Open your eyes and your heart and love will find you :thumbsup:

[nobody]

Two comments/questions.

 

Are you in school? If not - try to find a job. Women like guys who can afford to buy things.

 

She moved to Florida for some internet guy? Have you confirmed if she is still alive?

[BuffalOhio]

you make good points. this is gonna sound cliche but i really really loved her. honestly i thought she was the one. thats why it hurts so much. she was everything i wanted in a girl and now shes gone. it just sucks.

 

 

Dude, you're 20. You've got the world by the balls and your whole life in front of you. Go find another broad and tap yourself some azz and you'll feel better. I've been there. Getting some new 'tang always helps us get over it!

 

Get out there, boy, and have some fun. Miss right will come along when it's time, but don't force it.

[biodork]

Sorry about the breakup, man -- it's never easy but I agree with others that it's better this happened before the relationship went on further since you clearly weren't meant to be. The best thing you can do for yourself is to get out of the house and spend some time with your friends. Easier said than done sometimes if your friends are not single, but seriously -- if you have something to take your mind off the ex, it gets easier to start moving on. When my ex and I broke up I had a really hard time with it (we'd been together for 7 years, and he was the one who got me into hockey and the Sabres), and there was this huge void where I'd be watching games alone on TV because I didn't have anyone to cheer/complain with. This message board is also great for that, but I think the biggest thing that helped me to move on is that I started inviting my friends to watch the games with me, and once they got into it and I had them to talk to about how the Sabres were doing, I noticed I was thinking about my ex less often. It still takes time for sure, but for now if you can either hide/avoid the things that remind you of her or start sharing those interests with other people, you may find eventually you can come back to them and they won't make you sad anymore.

 

Doesn't sound likely in your case since there was cheating involved, but my ex and I are still friends to this day. :)

[Ghost of Dwight Drane]

you make good points. this is gonna sound cliche but i really really loved her. honestly i thought she was the one. thats why it hurts so much. she was everything i wanted in a girl and now shes gone. it just sucks.

 

Getting your heart ripped out is a good thing. You THOUGHT, she was everything you wanted in a girl....but I doubt you wanted a girl that would lack the trust and communication with you to go 3,000 miles away on a whim to chase a stranger. Sure, that's going to hurt, and you're going to miss the good times you had together and you might feel a little lonely on your own after being with someone for so long. But like others have said....you have to value YOURSELF. You can't fret about what you lost....it's about what somebody else gave up.

 

In hockey terms....you have an unlimited salary cap and you don't have to spend it for the sake of spending it. You may have think you had "THE ONE", but in reality she was your Daniel Alfredsson. If Daniel Alfredsson is all you know, then you think you have a pretty good thing going. But she wasn't your Sidney Crosby, or your Wayne Gretzky, or your Bobby Orr.

 

Don't pull a Darcy and panic, spending $4.5 million on Tim Connolly. You have 365 days a year of free agency to scout for your franchise player. In the mean time, go ahead and put in a new carpet in your locker room and maybe spend some more time with your friends and family that you may not have "had the time for" because you were always with your girlfriend. Just that fact that you hurt so much means you are able to feel more and put in a lot more than many people do into a relationship, so through the hurt is a plus. Be your own Hockey Heaven. When you value yourself and don't run your franchise scared, the free agents will see it and before you know it....you'll be in negotiations with "THE ONE". Until then, it isn't so bad to pick up a rental player every now and then. Just make sure you pull the goalie with more than 5 seconds left.

[Robviously]

yeah thats what i said. anyone can be anyone on the internet. i bet he just said everything she wanted to hear. manipulated her. oh and im 20 and so is she.

OK, here's the thing about being your age: When I was 20, I was 100% sure I knew which girl I was supposed to be with forever and that it was definitely going to work out. It didn't. I actually felt that way a couple more times about different girls through my 20's and it didn't work out with them either.

 

So it's not that uncommon for someone to be 100% certain that they've got the relationship part of their life figured out only to have the rug pulled out from under them. It happens to everyone, and it might happen to you more than once. It doesn't make you dumb or your feelings any less legitimate. It's just the way things go. If it makes you feel any better, I don't know anyone who is married to the person they were dating when they were 20.

 

Here's the other thing: It's also completely normal for you to still be obsessed with the person who jilted you. You wanted her before and now that you can't have her, that's probably gone up by a factor of 10. There's no quick fix for this. You just have to wait it out. Right now no one else seems nearly as appealing as this girl. But don't worry, someone else will take her place.

 

As someone else pointed out, at 20 years old, you are not nearly the person you're going to be. You're still a work in progress. Things will look much different a year from now, and again a year after that. You'll see.

[Taro T]

OK, here's the thing about being your age: When I was 20, I was 100% sure I knew which girl I was supposed to be with forever and that it was definitely going to work out. It didn't. I actually felt that way a couple more times about different girls through my 20's and it didn't work out with them either.

 

So it's not that uncommon for someone to be 100% certain that they've got the relationship part of their life figured out only to have the rug pulled out from under them. It happens to everyone, and it might happen to you more than once. It doesn't make you dumb or your feelings any less legitimate. It's just the way things go. If it makes you feel any better, I don't know anyone who is married to the person they were dating when they were 20.

 

Here's the other thing: It's also completely normal for you to still be obsessed with the person who jilted you. You wanted her before and now that you can't have her, that's probably gone up by a factor of 10. There's no quick fix for this. You just have to wait it out. Right now no one else seems nearly as appealing as this girl. But don't worry, someone else will take her place.

 

As someone else pointed out, at 20 years old, you are not nearly the person you're going to be. You're still a work in progress. Things will look much different a year from now, and again a year after that. You'll see.

This isn't about Mandy Moore, is it? ;)

[biodork]

Getting your heart ripped out is a good thing. You THOUGHT, she was everything you wanted in a girl....but I doubt you wanted a girl that would lack the trust and communication with you to go 3,000 miles away on a whim to chase a stranger. Sure, that's going to hurt, and you're going to miss the good times you had together and you might feel a little lonely on your own after being with someone for so long. But like others have said....you have to value YOURSELF. You can't fret about what you lost....it's about what somebody else gave up.

 

In hockey terms....you have an unlimited salary cap and you don't have to spend it for the sake of spending it. You may have think you had "THE ONE", but in reality she was your Daniel Alfredsson. If Daniel Alfredsson is all you know, then you think you have a pretty good thing going. But she wasn't your Sidney Crosby, or your Wayne Gretzky, or your Bobby Orr.

 

Don't pull a Darcy and panic, spending $4.5 million on Tim Connolly. You have 365 days a year of free agency to scout for your franchise player. In the mean time, go ahead and put in a new carpet in your locker room and maybe spend some more time with your friends and family that you may not have "had the time for" because you were always with your girlfriend. Just that fact that you hurt so much means you are able to feel more and put in a lot more than many people do into a relationship, so through the hurt is a plus. Be your own Hockey Heaven. When you value yourself and don't run your franchise scared, the free agents will see it and before you know it....you'll be in negotiations with "THE ONE". Until then, it isn't so bad to pick up a rental player every now and then. Just make sure you pull the goalie with more than 5 seconds left.

 

:lol: Nicely done.

[Fire Lindy Ruff NOW]

thanks everyone for responding.

[Rico7]

Sorry man, but you will be OK. After my wfe dumped me for another guy, I was devestated. After I was on my own the best "therapy" for me was to keep myself busy. Whether it was doing a project at home, a round of golf, or just meeting the guys for a beer, I was always doing something. Hang tight and enjoy the Game today. As someone else wrote, time heals.