josie

Luxurious indoor waterfall!!!

Any design job in Buffalo. I'm just not the flavor anyone wants in that city. Apparently I need to be a 100% graphic designer or web developer. I was told I am too creative in one case. So now I just have to give up everything I've worked for most of my life I guess. I guess that's better than staying where I am. My nonexistant free time will now be spent teaching myself how to be someone else.

I'm about ready to give up on anyone in Buffalo wanting me. It just feel so hopeless and I want to die. So I guess I'll just become yet another web developer so someone will hire me. Unless being self taught is a sin. Probably will be. Joy. But it could be the lack of coffee talking- had a dental thing done this morning and can't have any "staining drinks" for 24 hours. I'm in severe caffeine withdrawal.

All places have "groupies" of both genders. I think a place like Buffalo is a bit more accessible than some other cities. It would take a small miracle, money, a pedigree of sorts and changing my entire look to even hope to get into the sort of establishment in NYC where a Rangers player would be hanging out. But Buffalo, I strolled into Bottoms Up a couple weekends ago on a busy night no problem. Honestly, I've never gone clubbing in a big city quite like Buffalo before- super casual, lots of mingling. A lot easier to run into people. What a touchy subject- I feel like no matter what I say I'm going to somehow put across the wrong point.

That's really awesome!!!

If you ever go to see Cannibal Corpse, let me know, I'll come along :) Too bad the Gwar-B-Q is in Virginia. That'd be a fun time.

I don't know, I think a lot of people (myself included) were convinced Sochi was going to be a complete nightmare. Remember that things weren't built in time for that one, worries of terrorism (Russia had just stomped all over Georgia). And they went pretty well. Athens was another that wasn't ready. And the World Cup wasn't the complete disaster we all expected. However, I don't condone this mess. The IOC is corrupt. Atlanta was the only Olympics to actually make a profit, but don't forget their massive cleansing of homeless people/shelters. Beijing and Rio both have displaced large amounts of lower income people. Brazil hopes to sweep a lot of problems under the rug with the shiny modern spaces implemented for the Games. I worry about health- I don't believe it's been this big of a fear before- the sewage water being my number one concern. And security. The Games are sprawling and surrounded by the favelas, and Brazil's police force(s) are reportedly often corrupt. I always feel a sense of waste. For example, even a rather busy/wealthy place like Whistler, where the majority of the Vancouver winter sports were actually taking place, has entire areas that are ghost towns now. Lots of beautiful, modern apartments, shops, and hotels completely vacant with big RENT or FOR SALE signs. If only we could have a few places to do them. It's a tough argument- I love the idea of exploring different cultures with the games, but they're just a huge burden, I think better served in a couple locations. Change it up every 10 years. I don't know. To be clear, I love the Olympics. I'm always excited for them. I'll be glued to international feeds to catch them 24/7. The Games are always a highlight for me. I expect a LOT of mostly naked women and feathers.

d4rk, some of my friends and I went hiking in Stony Brook yesterday. The weather held, and we got lots of good hiking in, lots of stair climbing. To top it off, we swam in the waterfalls. It was a pretty awesome day. d4rk even broke his 20 year old sandals! We taped them up with my friend's climbing tape- looked like the things were held together with TP by the end. I hope to get more hiking in before summer and fall leave- going to be tough to fit in with all of the weddings marching our way over the next couple months.

Honestly, Bill + balloons was cracking me up. I'm sure he was having some memories of his DNC nomination parties. There's some great videos making light of it, but they're on some facebook page and I can't get them to link up easily here. Oh well. He's like a giant child. Ok, back to your previously scheduled angry muttering :P

Except at paintball, where they're worse when you're around. Of course, when I'm alone, there's a big gun on my hip so ... Sorry for derailing a positive thread. Life's been tough on me lately, very tough, and when I lose control, I go crazy with this. I'm a work in progress. I guess let me be a lesson to you if you ever notice a friend/child acting like this. It's why I'm afraid to have kids- I don't want to pass along my stupid. Thanks for the kind words, I'm trying. I'm very trying ;) Well, back to stuff that makes us sweat. Doubles work is my favorite- I'm usually the strongest one at it despite not being the strongest girl in class. I based the rest of the class on this one- it's pretty much just our feet holding us up. Which to me is miraculous with my ankle. The bottom one- Tanzie and I are similar in size (she's taller), so we could equal out and lean back. Everyone else is a good 20 pounds less than me and it made the move uneven.

I just looked them up. I'm built very similarly to those girls. Not as muscular of course, but their thighs/arms/shoulders and overall shape really look familiar to me. Little tank ladies. Even the muscles- give Shevchenko DD tits and you have almost exactly what I looked like in high school when I was a competing black belt doing MMA and such. I was made fun of relentlessly. Pretty much every guy I've ever talked to prefers someone with "Just enough but not too much" like ScarJo. To the bolded: that's funny and pretty true. I think for women it's often the defining stat, though. I wish it was more accepted to not be a little lithe babe. Feel like I'd accept it better if I felt like it was ok to be something other than tiny. A coworker/boss saw me making my sad little lunch yesterday and made some crack about "hey, it's ok, if the apocalypse hits, you'll survive the food shortage and can help us plow new fields!" Ugh. Apparently I'm a draft horse. Saddle me up boys, I'm bringing the beer truck into town... *everyone cheers*

I'm not genetically svelte. The best I looked was in college; I didn't work out and rarely ate. I was more confident. I even scored a d4rk! Now I'm trying to be active, thus needing to eat. It isn't going so well. Forms of measurement including fitbits/calorie counters quickly lead me down a path of competition w/ unrealistic goals. It's getting bad. Other girls get chiseled or shrink, I just pack it on. My waist has increased by an inch- I know it's muscles but it. I see what people think about women who look like me, it isn't often positive. Just wait for the Olympics discussions on athletes. I've got way more in common with the awesome rugby chicks than the sexy little beach volleyballers. It's gonna suuuuuuuck. Friday two guys in Target made some mean loud comments about my giant fat a$$. I didn't eat dinner. I'm already bigger than most women I know, just in general build. I feel like I have to apologize for it. I need to change it. I weigh 140, size 6. I've never been less than 135 or more than 145 (was a size 2 in college, same brands). I'm 5'5". Them's the numbers, they never change. But I want to lose 10-20. I haven't found the holy grail method. I don't want to starve, I like to be active, but I can't stand how my body goes instant mannish meatball mini-fridge mode! Just don't know what to do anymore. Tried all the "lots of small meals!" ideas. Keep it to fruits veg and lean protein. Teamed up with a similarly built friend, ate identical, worked out identical, I put on weight, she lost weight. F*ck me, man. I'm at a loss. Sorry for the wall of text. Good lord hockey needs to come back. Come on, October...

I can't even put into words how jealous I am. I have teaching and a bachelorette party in Buffalo. I'll be the mom-like friend holding people's hair as they hurl in the gutters and heaving their passed out carcasses into cabs, if you see me, say hi!

That's his other dog impression.

Once I plug in the fitness and hit done for the day, it yells at me (especially if it's too low a number), then tells me "if every day were like today, you'd weigh 131.4 pounds in 3 weeks!" or whatever. I have it set to the highest loss amount, 2 pounds a week. I think that's why it allows a lower number. I guess I've just hit a plateau and I'll never get below it, which peeves me off no end.

I've been doing that. It always tells me if I keep doing exactly what I"m doing, I'd weigh my low goal amount in a few weeks. It's been months. Well, I've been doing that app for years so... Years. I even went and tried that for awhile. Kept the physical activity about the same, even increased it a little. Guess what? Packed on weight and went up 2 sizes. So much for that theory.

Just had two more former students ask me to do independent studies with them next semester. I'm not teaching next semester, because I figured I'd have a job and have moved and such. Nope. My heart is broken. If only I could've just made it by teaching two classes. I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing again.

aaaand that is why every web design/ad company I ask for a job tells me I'm too creative to work there. Barf.

I have yet to figure all of it out. On average, I consume about 600 a day give or take a hundred, which I reigment more depending on how gross I feel, and then do enough physical activity to negate it all. I only seem to gain weight. I'm not lacking in energy, I tend to try to eat protein and fruit more than anything else. I'm just squishy no matter what I do. It's incredibly depressing. I guess my body's just trying to go into 'fat/mature woman' build early. I've been working at dropping the final 10 pounds for about 10 years now. My body thinks it has to store every goddamn fat molecule just in case I decide to create spawn. It's so incredibly frustrating.

I skated last night for the first time since I broke my leg. Putting the skates on still gives me a wave of nausea, as the metal pushes on *that* spot in the skate... But it went really well. My stride hasn't changed. There's no pain in regular skating. Left crossovers and sudden stopping can hurt, so I have a feeling playing again may be a bit tender. But I'm skating again. The mental injury monkey is finally slipping off my back.

Been playing as the flesh colored worm and naming it Pierre McGuire.

I found out about the app Charity Miles recently. Free download, and choose a charity (they have quite a few to choose from) before you get out, and then you raise 25 cents for every mile walked/ran and 10 biking. Runs in the background. Just the end the workout when you're done. There are in app ads, that help the revenue, but you can skip 'em easily. Sponsors donate the money. Been spreading the knowledge to all my Pokemon GO friends, and just active people in general. Can't hurt! http://www.charitymiles.org/

Oh wow, what a typo. turinging. unless.... it's a bad alan turing joke. This job search stuff is killing me. Finally got one bite... responded... nothing. I'm impatient and terrified. Had a bloody panic attack this morning and was halfway to work. Convinced myself I'd left the door unlocked. Drove all the way back home. Everything was fine, of course. Then sat in the parking lot crying for a half hour. Good lord, someone just shoot me and end it.

It's an enjoyable little game for me when it works and when I have time. Working in video games, my coworkers are taking it VERY seriously. As in... I don't think anyone is getting work done. Our office happens to be a gym, there's another gym across the street, and 3 pokestops within a moment's walk. The MAG is about another 15 pokestops and another gym. If something rare pops up nearby, someone yells it out, the entire office stops and catches it. Two of my coworkers have pokemon that are over 3500 CP. Obsessed. To their credit, they're walking about 10 miles a day... seriously, they do nothing else but play that game. It's astonishing and even a little offputting...?

Ugh I look like a chubby pubescent 14 year old boy in that video haha Oh well, stopped the catcalling, which was nice. We got a new trapeze- the ropes are softer and you can do a lot more work in them. My right foot still doesn't point fully, always looks wonky.